Well, the above says it all really and that is why I'm canceling the studio side, so long alterations. See you never again.
To be frank, my time was never planned to be on this most of the time and to have someone in with me doing this side whilst I work on the design side. That plan changed and to be honest, so did a bigger plan as I don't even want to manage anyone within the space at all!
It's been great hands-on Market research and I mean great! However, it's not a joy anymore between the admin, back n forth, and appointments my time is not being spent well on the thing I set out to do the most! In fact, it's had a huge negative effect on my well-being this year.
There's been avoidance- a studio that once brought me SO much joy has brought me a lot of anxiety, isolation and not wanting to step inside of it anymore. So I'm also relocating to, two Mike drop things hey? More on that later.
I need to pull back to realign my focus and remember what I set out to do, where I want to go, where I feel joy ( something my mentor Holly Wood is always telling us to ask ourselves) what's working, and what isn't. I feel like I've been on one of those Google map diversions where you keep going but don't seem to be on the road to your destination so it's time to make a turn and reroute all of that!
I feel like my time is not getting spent working on the things I'm truly passionate about and excel in, some things have me forgetting I'm an award-winning designer, who has sat on panels and gets invited to talk about diversity and inclusion in the textiles world and generally has a lot to give and offer from this tiny head of mine- it's not so tiny by the way I'm always the extra large size hat! But I set out to create and I'm barely doing any of it and that is not good!
On the subject of time mine has been stretched beyond the limit, my daughter starting school didn't gain me any time and in fact, took it away and there are certain things I'm not willing to sacrifice and who knew that children only last a certain amount of time in a studio before the fun time is over and all work plans scrapped? I need my studio to work around her too as life goes by way too fast. Balance is what I'm aiming for, creative balance.
I'm here to create, to design, to work closely with Brides in creating some magic all of which I have found halted as I spent the majority of last year busting my arse off to welcome in studio Brides. I'm a people person, I love chatting with Brides but I love working one on one, just bespoke, and just my things. Bridal, womenswearwear, sustainability, researching ..talking you name it I wear many hats!
I've felt my time being stretched, capacity through the roof and I don't feel like I'm getting closer to releasing the collection I want to and moving forward in, I bloody love designing, especially in this new field of circularity and being so involved in the sustainability sector that I'm buzzing with ideas and things to bring to the market to change the market- yet nothing is getting done?!
Why? Well, I'm only human but...
It's easy for things to not get done when you crash, be it not being happy, overwhelm, and more. It seeps into everything, and being creative means sometimes it all just gets cut off like turning the light out instantly. Not ideal and you get frustrated too but as the Italians say ... It's better to take small steps in the right direction than large ones in the wrong.
So I took some time away to focus on my well-being, to reclaim some parts of me that weren't getting attention- my mental and physical well-being, and that's what I've done.
I've had a look at what areas are making me feel certain ways - the studio side for one! My attention is on my Bepsoke babes-to-be and the collection! Throw in some slow fashion for good measure from time to time too as womenswear was my thing back in the day, and still is anyways as there's no expiration on what ideas pop into your head. You can be many things, not just one.
Honestly, I have had SO many ideas but I feel like a person in a straight jacket not taking any steps forward. Like rattling in a cage teamed with a fried egg brain. Now I feel I can make small steps forward again as I navigate a plan and feel slightly back in control of things. Slightly as I am eager to move out of my studio asap as it's a trigger, I don't need it to work on my collection and one on one and get anxious having to head in there now so I've begun wrapping things up there.
I want my collection out there and moved forward as I've had to turn away some serious things, pause insane collaborations and pass up on incredible shoot opportunities - even Vogue discovered me for a wedding feature and reached out I mean wtf?!
For reflection, I'm proud of the space I built, the vision I had, the reactions of everyone walking in and seeing it, and the moments shared in there with some incredible people who I'm grateful booked in with me.
So on that note... I'm putting this out there to say it's okay to take time out, to assess what's bringing you Joy, and pivot where you need to to be fully realigned with your purpose and things that bring you joy, a real joy! Holly Wood if you're reading this then that last sentence is your words... the sessions drilled into me!
If something feels icky then wake up and make a change, say fuck this and turn that page for the next chapter. Life is short, spend the days in full flow of joy and always take time to pause, cry, hide, or whatever is needed to navigate things. And equally, if you have an idea, take the risk, life is too short to sit on them and wonder what if. You can like it, hate it, it can work out, or it can not work out BUT the most important thing is you took the risk when 99% of people won't and that's worth celebrating!
If you've made it this far then thank you!
....and holla at me if you know anyone who wants to rent a studio space :) Elvis is very ready to leave the building and tie up my obligations there and fully lean into the next chapter.
xx